Here you will find short works of mine to read for free. You may even come across a poem or two. Many of them come from “homework” assignments that were created from prompts we use in bi-weekly meetings of a local writer’s group, Our Writer’s Own Workshop (OWOW), in Englewood, Florida (anyone who lives locally there is welcome to join us on the second and fourth Saturdays of each month). Where needed, I’ve included a little background as to the prompt that inspired a particular piece.
Copyright notice: All rights reserved © 2001-2025 by Daniel J. Kaminski. Unless otherwise noted, no part of my books, excerpts from the books, stories, etc., available through this website may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, without first receiving written permission of this author. You may contact me through my email, [email protected], if you wish to seek such permission. Please be ye kind, don’t rob me blind.
I hope you find these little pieces of prose and poetry either horrific, or amusing, or both. If you like a particular tale, or have a comment, feel free to send me an email at [email protected]. Happy reading!
The Next Big Power Food
The free burger samples were popular at the new fast food kiosk at the mall. A crowd was starting to line up all the way past the video game arcade that was populated by forty-year old guys who were still living at home in their parents’ basements.
Standing at the front of the line, happily munching on his free sample, was a twenty-something guy wearing a black tee shirt that read, “Save a cow, save the planet.” It included a caricature drawing of planet earth in the shape of a bovine head.
“It’s delicious,” he said after a couple of bites, “I can’t believe it’s plant-based. It’s so good to see fast food places such as yours getting on board with the vegan foods program. You guys are finally going beyond meat, that’s great, it’s great for the planet.”
The young spokesperson answered in her timid voice, “Oh no sir, plant-based burgers are loaded with fillers and salt for flavor, our burgers use special ingredients which give them their unique flavor, and make them healthy for you at the same time. You see, we use only the choicest limbs and organs donated from people who are actual, certified vegans. We call our new burger Beyond Feet.”
The twenty-something guy then made a mad dash past the noisy arcade to the gender-neutral restroom, hoping he could find an open stall to throw up into.
The Girl You Won’t Take Home to Mother
I guess I should have gotten a hint by what she had ordered for dinner, and her insistence that I order the same. But how was I to know? All of the food was washed down by three martinis spiked with pepper-infused vodka, causing a dull polish to be waxed onto my mind. When she was eager to leave the Good Life Restaurant, and walk a block down to the beach, my hopes were running high that the hot food would translate into a hot night in the sand with her.
“Jess” had started work six months earlier in the innocuous position of cashier at the Piggly Wiggly, where I had worked my way up to Assistant Manager. Something about her looked vaguely familiar, and for the past month or so, the two of us engaged in some friendly and flirtatious conversation, which got more frequent over this past week. In my mid-forties, I was elated when this attractive woman, about 10 years younger than me, agreed to go out on a dinner date, but insisted that she pick the restaurant. With so many good ones around St. Augustine, I was fine with that.
It was a gorgeous, late October night in Florida, not yet Halloween. The moon rose bright and seemingly very large over the expansive St. Augustine Beach. A hoodie might have helped with the slight chill, but with three martinis in us, the temperature hardly seemed to be a factor.
We walked quietly for a while, hand in hand, and she snuggled next to me. Except for one or two other couples, and a random guy fishing in the surf here and there, we pretty much had the beach to ourselves. I eventually said, “You know, Jess, you look somewhat familiar to me. Can you tell me where you’re from originally?”
“New Orleans.” But she pronounced it very clearly, not like ‘Nawlins.
“Really? That’s where I’m from! Where did you go to school?” As it turns out, we had gone to the same high school. I’d probably seen her once or twice around town when I went back for visits, which would explain why she looked familiar. I thought we could reminisce about the old haunts in the Big Easy.
But that’s when things turned for the worse. Without any prompting, she continued about her past. She dropped out of high school senior year. One fateful Friday night, she had attended a party, thrown at a large mansion just off the French Quarter by a rather eccentric girlfriend from school. At some point through the night, after smoking some funky weed, and consuming some even funkier mushrooms, she was shown to a room where a fiendishly handsome, older gentlemen sat upon the bed. He had coal-black hair and matching, bushy, black eyebrows. His teeth were fiery white. But, she mostly remembered his black eyes. They were hypnotic, like tar pits that would trap you, and then suck you down under.
“Umm…Jess? Where are you going with this?” At that moment, I wasn’t looking forward to a hot night in the sand anymore.
“Oh, honey, those who know me best now call me Jezebel.”
I backed away a couple of steps. She smiled; her teeth also fiery white. “You see, babe,” she continued, “nine months later, I gave birth to the antichrist. I affectionately named him Luce. You’ve got to love those French and their name origins. I found it so amusing that the progeny of the prince of darkness should be given a name that means light.” When she giggled at this, it sounded like two pieces of sand paper being rubbed against each other. I shook my head no, and backed away some more.
“I’m afraid it’s true, dear. Today is his 18th birthday, and Armageddon starts tonight. I just wanted to have one good last meal, one good last date, before I go and this earth is gone forever.”
At that moment, the color of the night sand turned a strange shade. I looked up. The moon was blood red. In the distance, I could see lights falling into the ocean; stars plummeting from the heavens.
I panicked, and said, “You wanted one last good meal?!” And then it struck me; the food. “You wanted us to have deviled eggs for the appetizer and, of course, sinfully delicious devil’s food cake.”
She nodded, “Very good, love. And don’t forget the hot, seasoned crab for the main course, also known as deviled crab.”
“But why…crab?!”
“Oh, that’s easy, it had to be something that was forbidden.”
More stars were falling, closer, I thought about running, but I just had to know, “What’s forbidden about crab?!”
With a fiendish smile, she said, “Come now, dearie. Apparently, you don’t know your Leviticus very well. Too late to read your Old Testament now, so you’ll have to just take my word for it, but consuming bottom feeders, those creepy crawlers on the ocean floor, is forbidden under Mosaic law. Ho hum, not that any of that matters now.”
At that moment, out on the sea, rose a great beast with seven heads and ten horns. Jezebel burst forth from her clothing, and transformed into a harpy, with fluttering, bat wings. The customary horns had sprouted from her head, and a barbed tail from her rear. “Time to go, honey, on to eternity with you now, wherever you are going.” She rose up, hovering about six feet above me, and was turning toward the sea.
“But wait,” I pleaded, “what must I do now?!”
She smiled with those perfectly white and perfectly sharp teeth, and her raven hair billowing around her horns. “Now you choose which way you want to go. You either get to live a little while longer by bowing down to my father below, or you become a martyr of the Apocalypse and join your Father above, playing a harp on fluffy clouds with the angels.” She actually yawned after saying this.
“Please, please! One more thing!”
“Oh really, darling, it’s not that complicated! Just be a man about it and choose! Now I really must be going, the Horsemen are starting their charge.”
“But why did you choose me to go out with, to spend your last night on earth with?!”
She smiled again, and slowed the flapping of her wings, lowering herself to me. With those demonic eyes like a serpent, and those teeth like a lion, she smiled and said, “Oh, that’s an easy one, love. It’s because you’re just so cute, that’s all.” She tapped my nose with her taloned finger, it felt like being tased. Then she rose up, faced the water, and flapped toward the beast, as told from the Books of Daniel and Revelation.
I guess I’ve got to make a decision now. Fires are blazing in America’s oldest city behind me, sirens are going off, bombs are going off. Above all the noise and mayhem, I think I hear the clopping of stallion’s hooves across the blazing night sky.